Could you actually do EVERYTHING on the “cheap” calendar this weekend? The short answer is no. I don’t think it’s humanly possible. But if you tried, it might go something like this:

FRIDAY
7-9 a.m. Ride your bike to work, stopping for free breakfast along select bike routes. Try to get a little work done but then hop back on the bike and ride to…
11:30 a.m. Old Town Square to grab your FREE lunch from Jimmie Johns. Scarf your sandwich because you have to hurry to make it by …
Noon for Bicycle Xchange’s FREE Fix-a-Flat workshop. It’s in Delano, so you don’t have far to ride.
After work On your way home from work, stop by Ribfest for dinner, drinks, and live concerts. Admission is $4; food and beverages are extra. (This is actually going on Thursday through Saturday, so you could go any time. But if you’re trying to do everything, Friday after work is the only time slot that will work.)
7:45 p.m. Show up at the Starlite Drive-In for a triple feature with a carful of friends. It will cost you $12, split between all of you. (Who among your friends has the biggest car?) Choose between Screen 1, which is showing Star Trek Into the Dark, and Screen 2, which featuring Ironman 3, all in digital picture and sound.

SATURDAY
7 a.m. Hit the Derby Citywide Garage sale or any number of neighborhood garage sales.
9 a.m. Stop by one of the Wichita area farmers markets. If you choose the Old Town Farmers Market, you’ll be in the neighborhood of the Wichita Art Museum, so you can swing by for free admission, and pretty near to the DAV 25-cent Book Sale.
Noon Experience the Aurora in the Boeing Dome Theater at Exploration Place for $5. Admission to EP is not required to see a movie in the Boeing Dome Theater.
(9 a.m. – Noon If you’re a new dad and you’ve already registered, skip the farmers market and show up for the FREE Boot Camp for New Dads at the Downtown YMCA.)
(10-11 a.m. If you have access to McConnell and a daughter who is in grade K-5, drop her off for a safety-themed get-together from the Girl Scouts of Kansas. It’s $2.)
1 p.m. – 4 p.m. Go directly back to Derby so you have at least a few minutes to spend at the Derby Kite Festival being held in High Park. Actually, I kind of want to stay the whole afternoon, but if your goal is to do everything, you have to keep moving.
2-5 p.m. Bring your family and your bikes for the Ozsome Bike Festival at O.J. Watson park. You might have to leave early if you want to catch a few minutes of the…
2-5 p.m. Meet and Greet Spiderman and Ironman at All-Star Sports in west Wichita.
5 p.m. You won’t have time to cook, so grab a large one-topping pizza from Papa Johns for supper. At only $5.99, it’s a steal.
6:30 p.m. Pack up your lawn chairs and drive back to the east side of Wichita to catch a bit of the FREE Opera on the Lake at Bradley Fair shopping center.

SUNDAY
9 a.m. – 4 p.m. Go to the Kansas Coliseum pavilions for the Mid-America Flea Market. Admission is $1.
Noon – 5 p.m. Since you’re north of Wichita anyway, drive to Whitewater and tour the Grace Hill Winery. The tour and tasting are free, but you might want to spring for a nice bottle of Kansas wine while you’re there. If you had the energy and foresight to pack a picnic, bring it with you.

Of course, doing it all is a silly idea unless you’re REALLY energetic. See the full Wichita cheap events listing here.